Attack of the Mush: Myth and Manipulation

“From Single to In a Relationship.” That’s how it read. It was declaration of your relationship status, a testament that your elusive heart has finally been captured. I searched frantically to find that one person who finally did it. And there it was, the picture that told me everything. It was that photograph in a restaurant in one of your night outs. There he was, a brand new person amidst the familiar faces. He was the one. And as clear as the words written in your change of status, it hit me. You could never really be mine. You could be the worlds’ but never mine. It doesn’t matter how long I wait, or how patient I can be or even how close we can get, it was just never enough. It was simply not meant to be.

Is being in a relationship really all that? After 2 years and almost 4 months of being in a relationship with my work, my photography, my laptop, family and friends, I begin to ask the question, “Should I settle?” It’s not as if I am single by choice but sadly it’s more because of circumstance. And so in the hopes of finally finding that one person to finally end my journey, I am declaring to the universe that I too am ready to be with someone!

I watched one of my favorite films of all time earlier, “The Mirror has Two Faces.” I must have seen that film a dozen times and yet I have never grown tired of it. More than Barbara Streisand, what struck me most about that movie was how it describes the longing of people to be in love. In one particular scene, Barbara, who played a middle-aged professor of literature at Columbia University discussed why people fall in love --- the myth and the manipulation of it all.

Why do people find it a need to be with someone, to be in love? Perhaps it’s true that what we see in movies, read in books, and even stories that have been told to us when we were young are all but a manipulation of what loves suppose to be. Why in the end we are not told what happens after the princess marries the prince? Why movies highlight the “falling in love” of characters to be overly extravagant with music swelling up to the moment when they first kiss. Why romantic novels describe fantastic love scenes and create illusions of grandeur when characters (people) fall in love.

It has been said that when we fall in love, we hear music, whether it be Puccini or angels singing, bells ringing, or chimes. Why? Because they say that music is the nearest description to the feeling of being in love. And while I haven’t heard the Philharmonic in my head on a first date for a long, long time. I still believe that this is true. I want to. I have to. If only to assure myself that I shall hear it again --- that I shall feel it again.

When I look around me and see couples, I can’t help but feel envious. I am jealous that they are together not because of the sweet nothings they say to each other (though I want that), nor the fact that they look into each other’s eyes with such longing (though I also want that), or even the fact that they have fantastic sex. I am jealous because they have found someone in their lives who truly knows who they are, who accepts each and every flaw. Who cares for you in a way no one else can. Someone who knows what kind of toothpaste you use and what kind of food you like. Someone you can share your life with. People fall in love because while, some of us already know, that it can have a very short shell-life, and it can lead into an indescribable pain. People fall in love because while it can only last for a moment, an hour, a minute, or even one night --- while it lasts it feels f*cking great!

In my search for that one person who in an instant turn my life around, I have stumbled across so many frogs I was willing to kiss. And of all those near misses, I’ve only realized one thing. I will never settle for someone less. So whether true love exists, whether it is a myth or a manipulation, I want to find it…


…Again.


Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo